I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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