i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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