God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
