Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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