i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't deserve a penis
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
