You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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