I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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