Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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