just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
should my penis look like a turkey
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
