How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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