I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
