How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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