My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
