I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
