Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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