on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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