I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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