I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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