That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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