I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
