hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
