Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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