Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
