What a fucking waste of an outfit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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