she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
