It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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