so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Randomize
