Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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