I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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