if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
