What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
