Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
