not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
