Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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