I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!