I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.