he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?