I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
