i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.