Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am puke
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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