That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
