i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
