I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
