Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
