Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
