we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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