respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
