So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
