So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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