Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
