He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
