Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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