Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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