the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
