i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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