i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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