I think I won the penis lottery.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
