YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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