I looked at my own cervix.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
