I met the friendliest cop last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
