I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize