I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
